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Apology Accepted: A Spam Story

What makes the spam we get at work so special is that each one has a special story at the bottom of it, making each of us glow akin to a child finding a really cool toy at the bottom of a crappy cereal box. The stories only come through 3 or so sentences at a time, so we’ve pieced some of them together to make the best story ever written:

have to supply me with the poison antidote now. I kept that thought than stale cheese sandwiches. There! Lets set up for a quick gig, boys-these guys deserve it. I looked there. Steengo was gray and drawn and looked a hundred years old. I felt a quick blast of guilt for dragging him out of retirement. Said guilt scientists in white smocks. There was a lot of loyal fist-smacking on chests when the leader appeared. Salutes that he returned with the merest tap of his own loosely clenched fist. They moved respectfully marched towards me. Ill go quietly, I said. Turned and touched the alien artifact as I had been instructed to. But Ill go alone.

Apology accepted. Allowing for the curvature of the planet, gravitic and what could only have been a gun-muzzle ground into the back of my No truer words ever spoken, Tremearne said grimly. If no one else Questions? in the direction of what could only be a landlocked lifeboat. It was snow-white, clinker-built, with a stub mast festooned with flags, white wheels just visible tucked under the keel below. A washing away my almost-terminal fatigue when Veldi threw open the door. On your feet! he called out. I did not move. have memorized the entrance-and-exit path. But go slowly, for it some firewood. It is breakfast time. The artifact- was all I managed to say. Madonette nodded slow agreement. Thats where it was, they told me. In the science building. So it must be gone too.

That’s deep, man. Deep.

Spamusement


Poorly-drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines!

What an awesome idea: take the subject line from the crap spam email you get and turn it into a literally-translated cartoon. That’s Spamusement’s goal. I’ve just started getting into them, but my favorites so far are “Shake The Extra Fat, You Will Be Surprised,” “you are so good to me eggplant mike,” and “Upgrade your brain with Brain Bullet.”

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