They Call Me Beans
It’s late. Quite late. However, I feel the need to tell a brief story. So sit down, my children, and you will learn why they call me Beans.
I work in retail. As happens from time to time, stores change. The items change. The members of the staff change. Things change. I was involved in a change almost exactly two months ago, where I was transferred to another store within the same company. We’ll call this company… Bob. As I was saying, I transferred to another store within Bob, but still working for Bob. Although I truly enjoyed working at my former Bob store, the new Bob store was much closer to home so at least I had that much going for me.
On my first day at the new Bob store, I was invited to a party that same night by the nice folks at the new Bob store to celebrate something that happened a month or two prior (something to do with hitting sales goals or some such). Anyhow, the party ended up being a lot of fun, even though many were quite… shall we say, ‘inebriated’… and I was, as always, sober. In a moment of what would become history, one of my new assistant managers randomly brought up the subject of nicknames.
“I want to call somebody ‘Beans’”, he said.
“Why?”, I replied.
He responded, “I don’t know. I’ve just always wanted to call somebody Beans.”
“Well”, I said, “you can call me ‘Beans’. People call me ‘Dean Bean’, and ‘Dean the Bean’ anyway, so you can call me ‘Beans’.”
“All right!”
I’m glad he randomly talked to me about using Beans as a nickname. Had it been anyone else, history would not have turned out the same way and, somehow, I think it’s fitting for me to be Beans. It’s like a name that I have to live up to now, even though there can’t possibly be any reasonable expectations from someone named Beans. Perhaps that’s why I like it. What’s funny is that everyone at the new Bob store - everyone - calls me Beans. They call me Beans far more than they call me Dean. I think that’s a testament to how good the name is. And one day, when I’m old and decrepit, I can be Papa Beans and shake my stick at young whippersnappers as I talk about the good ol’ days and explain why they call me Beans.
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