What makes the spam we get at work so special is that each one has a special story at the bottom of it, making each of us glow akin to a child finding a really cool toy at the bottom of a crappy cereal box. The stories only come through 3 or so sentences at a time, so we’ve pieced some of them together to make the best story ever written:

have to supply me with the poison antidote now. I kept that thought than stale cheese sandwiches. There! Lets set up for a quick gig, boys-these guys deserve it. I looked there. Steengo was gray and drawn and looked a hundred years old. I felt a quick blast of guilt for dragging him out of retirement. Said guilt scientists in white smocks. There was a lot of loyal fist-smacking on chests when the leader appeared. Salutes that he returned with the merest tap of his own loosely clenched fist. They moved respectfully marched towards me. Ill go quietly, I said. Turned and touched the alien artifact as I had been instructed to. But Ill go alone.

Apology accepted. Allowing for the curvature of the planet, gravitic and what could only have been a gun-muzzle ground into the back of my No truer words ever spoken, Tremearne said grimly. If no one else Questions? in the direction of what could only be a landlocked lifeboat. It was snow-white, clinker-built, with a stub mast festooned with flags, white wheels just visible tucked under the keel below. A washing away my almost-terminal fatigue when Veldi threw open the door. On your feet! he called out. I did not move. have memorized the entrance-and-exit path. But go slowly, for it some firewood. It is breakfast time. The artifact- was all I managed to say. Madonette nodded slow agreement. Thats where it was, they told me. In the science building. So it must be gone too.

That’s deep, man. Deep.