Dean(ish)

After talking to Michael this morning, I feel the need to explain the way my brain works. I will also explain what I meant by what I said to Mary last week, but first I should explain what happened Mary in the first place.

Mary’s story went something vaguely along these lines: She went to a bar with some friends a while back. One of the guys that went with her is a total prick; he’s rather obnoxious and rude. And he smells. Let’s call him Jean Pierre, as the French are smelly people by nature. Anyway, this guy ended up getting plastered and had some sleazy girl gettin’ all up in his grill. At that point, Mary and Co decided it was time for them to leave, so they grabbed Jean Pierre and started to go. To their dismay, Jean Pierre had a nervous breakdown. Drama ensued.

As I said, last week Mary was telling a few of us this story, saying how shitty it was and that she hadn’t wanted to go to begin with because she knew Jean Pierre was going to be there. I agree that this was an unfortunate series of events. Mary went on to tell us how truly bothered by the situation she was. I responded with something like, “You put yourself in that situation. There are ways you could’ve gotten out of being there - cab, bus, etc.” Yeah, that’s cold. I know. I could’ve - should’ve - been more empathetic. I realize that now.

Despite my seemingly harsh reaction, I wasn’t trying to be a jerk - I was just trying to be realistic. It’s difficult to say what I would’ve done if I were in Mary’s situation because it’s not often that I go to bars, especially with people I don’t like, so I can’t really relate.

I completely believe that everyone chooses their own destiny and that, ultimately, everyone is responsible for themselves (with few exceptions like children, handicapped, freak occurences like stray bullets, etc). My philosophy is simply this: If you want things to be different, change them.

I had neither positive nor negative intentions when I said, “You put yourself in that situation.” I was simply stating a cold, hard fact. But herein lies the problem - I became cold and hard by associating myself with the wrong role. I should’ve been a friend, but I guess that I was really trying to be a pseudomentor, a philosopher of sorts, instead.

Rather than being so blunt and seemingly uncaring about the whole ordeal, I should’ve acted like a decent human being and responded with a little sympathy. What I was trying to convey to Mary was my thought processes, but in doing so I ignored her real need for a good ear.

So Mary, I’m sorry. And Christina, I’m sorry to you too. I know I act that way a lot - believe me, it’s not intentional, it’s just how I am. I’m a work in progress. And thanks to Michael - you got me thinking about how I think.

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